He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
