this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
