Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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