I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
