She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So many bounce houses so little time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
