Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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