U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
