I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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