apparently the secret to your success is patron
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
