While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize