Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
