will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize