Screwed.edu
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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