With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
