4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
