worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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