i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
