Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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