Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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