Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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