It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
