she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
