I'm really into asian looking animals
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
