You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
