A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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