I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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