he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
