i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Terrible idea I love it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
