Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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