i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
