She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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