what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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