After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
