We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
