i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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