i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
