I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
