I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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