Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
