She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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