i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
