She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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