based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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