your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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