life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We smell like vodka and hangover
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