Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
