That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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