There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
