Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
