i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Couch. On fire.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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