When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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