I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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