listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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