All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
