It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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