End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need a sexual gate keeper
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
