You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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