Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My vagina just clenched in fear
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
