Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
