dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
