4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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