I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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