Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Boobs speak an international language.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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