i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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