Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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